5. Tips for Great Safer Sex
5.1 Manual Stimulation
5.1.1 Women (the Clitoris and G-spot)
Many women experience orgasm and/or highly pleasurable sensations through intentional stimulation of the clitoris or G-spot (the G-spot is often located on the forward wall of the vagina, just beyond the
pubic bone) more easily than they experience it through ordinary vaginal penetration by a penis or dildo. Ordinary “thrusting” sex, if that is desired, is often MUCH more enjoyable for women after arousal or orgasm. G-spot stimulation is usually easiest to accomplish with a gloved hand, and clitoral stimulation is usually easiest to accomplish with either a gloved hand, a vibrator, or a tongue (through an oral barrier). Many women find that consistent, reliable, protracted clitoral stimulation best assists in achieving clitoral orgasm; as is also the case with G-spot stimulation, listening to the feedback of one’s partner is the key
5.1.2 Men (the Prostate Gland)
Stimulation of the prostate gland can often cause an increase in the pleasure caused by penile stimulation, or can feel great even without penile stimulation. Prostate stimulation is usually easiest to accomplish with a gloved hand, exerting mild pressure against the forward wall of the anus. The prostate gland is typically more easily palpable than the G-spot, and often feels like a gentle dome. As is the case with the G-spot, one should listen to the feedback of one’s partner when finding the prostate gland, as its location can vary from person to person. Using gloves on both hands, one may stimulate the prostate gland at the same time one is masturbating the penis. In general, most men prefer a firmer touch on their genitals than many women assume would be comfortable, and many enjoy firm tugging on the scrotum.
5.2 Use of Sufficient Lubricant
Most penetrative sex or manual stimulation feels better for both parties when sufficient lubricant is used. Lubricants also assist the efficacy rate of barriers. Water-based lubes such as ForPlay, Astroglide, and Liquid Silk are the most versatile.
5.3 Deep Breathing
Breathing rhythmically and deeply before and during sex can increase one’s pleasure. See Annie Sprinkle’s videotape Sluts and Goddesses for a humorous demonstration of this technique. In general, meditation and “focusing” techniques such as this are often used to great effect by Tantric sex practitioners, and by others who may have a purely secular viewpoint. Elements of atmosphere and ritual, such as turning off the telephone, putting good music on the CD player (on repeat play), engaging in rhythmic touching/caressing, keeping protracted eye contact, and lighting candles, are also helpful for many people.
5.4 PC Muscle Contraction
Contraction of a special muscle called the PC (Pubococcygeus) muscle can increase sexual pleasure,
and is valuable for both women and men. See a text such as The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex for details on how to identify this muscle, exercise it, and utilize it during sex. Briefly, though, the muscle of interest may be located when urinating, by noticing what muscle you contract to stop the flow of urine. This is the PC muscle, and it may be exercised by contracting it repeatedly and rhythmically, or by contracting/inhaling and relaxing/exhaling. It may be used during sex by contracting it when close to orgasm.
5.5 Good Communication
There isn’t a substitute for being able to tell your partner during sex when something doesn’t feel good, or when it does. There isn’t a substitute for actually asking for what you want, and for learning over time what your partner likes. Higher levels of communication on sexual matters will tend to increase both the pleasure and the safety of all involved. Furthermore, knowledge of your partner’s fantasies will allow one to construct verbal/theatrical fantasies and hot talk for them during sex to heighten their pleasure. Many people find that it is easier for them to reveal their fantasies to someone else while they are being sexually stimulated. “Tell me your deepest fantasy or I’ll stop moving my hand” works wonders with many folks.